Small talk

Making the morning brew
Colleagues crowding in the kitchen
“How was your weekend?”

My weekend: Friday evening reprieve
No more internal conversations while trying to pay attention to the real people and not the ghosts
No more corridor paranoia of whispered insults from impossible places

I’m up until 3 am
hunched over the laptop like some latter day Quasimodo
No bells here for Esmerelda save for Facebook notifications and message alerts

Sleepy Saturday spent assessing the state of my sanity
“Do I need to call the Crisis Team?’
“Don’t waste their time idiot girl. They don’t want to talk to you.’
‘I’m a public servant. I’m an author. I should be OK. I should …….’

Then the scary question
‘do I need to go to hospital??’
No not an option. Those conferences won’t keynote themselves

After cryptic social media conversations a friend invites herself to my house.
‘It’s a mess’ I start but she doesn’t care.

We spend Sunday watching DVDs.
She brought coconut water.

Evening when my friend and liberator leaves.
Monday comes. Put on the suit, the makeup and the cloak of Confidence. Go to work.
We made it!
I’m straight into the kitchen for the morning brew.
“How was your weekend?’
A forced smile - I’m the expert
I can make my eyes smile even when my world is dying
“Good” I say.”how about you?”